Title Change/Walking in the Spirit/Busyness

So I have been wanting to change the tile for some time - but really been trying to figure out what I would like that to be. I've really been thinking about what the Lord's theme is for my life right now. Desperate kind of describes it.

I have been thinking about things in my life like changing diapers, and playing dolls, holding babies, and trying to figure out how to keep the house clean during all that, as well as how to love Clay in the best way, serve Christ, and how to balance my family's happenings and Clay's family's happenings, with social obligations, and to be prayerful, and intentional towards others as well as intentional to raise godly children . . . plus getting dinner, laundry, grocery shopping.....

I have wanted a way to balance. And over and over as I have thought "I just wish I knew how to balance it all," I have felt the Lord saying, "My Word does not tell you to 'balance.' My Word tells you to surrender all for the sake of Christ, to seek first My kingdom and My righteousness, to abandon all, to walk in My Spirit."

And so the more I've thought about this the more I realize that I am royally going to screw it up. No matter what it is - I in my flesh will screw it up.

See I have come to terms with the fact that only the Lord knows what I need to be doing at any given moment. I am endlessly in a state of "What should I do now? Do I play with the kid who is at my feet beckoning me to play a game? Or what about the child who wants me to read their book? Oh but the baby is crying - do I go pick him up? And we have to have food . . . I need to be cooking dinner, oh and the clothes in the dryer just finished, and I have ten thank you notes that I am in the middle of writing, and I feel like God placed so&so on my heart and He wants me to call them, and I feel like He is whispering to me, "Kneel down pray. "

Here is the thing. There are times that the child needs to be picked up/read to/played with because if I don't at that moment, I am crushing their spirit. But there are times that they need to play by themselves or help me with the work because if I give in to all their requests I am over indulging them and making them even more self-centered.

There are times that I really need to call that friend - immediately because they really need words of encouragement at that moment.

There are times that I need to be on my face before the Lord - even if there are kids running around me, screaming and demanding my attention because I need to obey my Father and He may have me praying for someone who is in danger.

And there are times that the one thing I need to be doing is folding clothes or cooking dinner.

But I don't understand how all those times play out - in of myself.

I have to surrender myself to the Lord.

And therefore, I am realizing more and more that I am desperate. I am desperate for the Lord to direct each step.

I am desperate to be walking in the Spirit.

I was telling Clay last night that in the last few weeks, I have really felt as if the Lord is speaking to me, prompting me to pray, weeding out sin, circumcising my heart. I have been praying for Him to open up my eyes and heart - and in my flesh I don't necessarily like it.

It also scares me - because there are so many times that I don't stop and listen to the Lord - but just go on being busy. It happened the other day. The kids were asleep and I said to myself "Lord I know You want me to stop and pray - but God there are five baskets of clothes that I need to fold." And He responded in my heart, "I know you have clothes to fold. But I am calling you to pray. You can pray and let Me deal with sin in your heart or you can choose to disobey - but you might not hear from Me for a long time like you have been hearing from Me if you choose to disobey." Oh that was warning enough - for I don't want my heart to be hardened again.

Just today I was praying and crying to the Lord about a relationship that I have in which wires have been crossed, feelings have been hurt, and sins have been committed & forgiven. And as I was praying and crying to the Lord, "God I know that they were hurt. I am so sorry for that - but I too felt rejected by them being to busy to make time for our friendship." And the Lord gently whispered to me, "I know. I know how you feel. For I feel the same about you. I have asked you to stop and pray & fellowship and you say, 'but God I am too busy. But God I have clothes to wash, mouths to feed, places to go, I am so tired, I need sleep. ' "I have asked you to come to Me for help and you have said, 'but God I have Bible study, but God the baby is crying, but God...I am so busy." I know rejection, for you reject me now though I already paid the price on the cross and was rejected then. I know my child."

My SAM student(wise beyond her years) has said to me several times as we've meet to discuss things of the Lord that she God is teaching her that He gives us relationships on this earth for the purpose of understanding Him and how we are to relate to Him.
He gives us mothers so that we understand the He nurtures.
He gives us fathers so that we can understand He is our Father.
He gives us husbands (and those in authority) so we can learn to submit to Him.
He gives us friends so that we can learn to relate to Him as Friend.
And I am convinced He gives us kids to show us how unholy we are, how much sanctifying we need, and how His heart grieves over our sins, and to give us a picture of the deepness of the love He has for us.

So, with all this rambling I am trying to share that I am trying to keep remembering that I am desperate for the Lord because if I try and do anything in my flesh - I will make an utter mess.

Answered Prayer

Early this morning I met with two really neat and humble ladies who are willing to start meeting together regularly to pray for one another and our families. God has answered a longing within me and a prayer that I have been praying for years (though not always as faithfully as I should have been). I am so thankful and excited.

My prayer is for the Lord to be in our midst during this time and change us all into His likeness.

"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst."

How Blessed We Are

We would like to invite you to praise the goodness of our God with us. He has had us on a journey of growing our faith and molding us over these last few years (and He has all of His children and we are still being perfected). Clay and I got married with two years left of college (we’ve been married almost 6 years). We had plans of finishing school and both of us working for about 5 years before starting a family and we figured that we would have 3 or 4 children. We also both knew that we would like to do missions if God called us to that. We came out of college with significant debt (almost all of Clay’s college and my last two years) and credit card debt. We were not very wise in some of the choices we made – but we figured that with both of us working we would have it paid off in a short time after we got out of school.

We did not plan on God convicting us about our use of birth control just a few months after getting married. We both just felt like God was telling us that if we really trusted in Him and believed Him to be in control of all things that we would trust Him to give us a child in His perfect timing and that He would provide for all of our needs. We were preparing to graduate, I found a job, and Clay was preparing to go ahead an get his Master’s when we found out we were pregnant with our first child – just two days after walking across the stage to get our diplomas.

So we were a two-income family for only about 6 months out of our whole marriage. Needless to say we did not really pay off much of that enormous debt that we had incurred. Instead, we just got by and when something out of the ordinary would happen – the expense would go on credit cards.

A few months before we had Gabriella we were to the point of barely able to pay all of our bills. We were trying to eat rice and beans and meals prepared from chicken legs for most of our meals. We kept trying to remind ourselves that we were still eating better than most of the people in the world. We would do well for a little bit living inside our means and then we would just break down and go get something.

So we got further and further in debt. The summer after I had Gabriella I was in a Bible study and the Lord really used that to convict me of the sin of our debt. I felt like the Lord was saying that if we were going to trust Him to take care of us and provide that we had to pray more and take our hands off of the circumstances and let Him be the provider. That’s when we tried to stop using the credit cards at all. Clay switched jobs to bring home more money and then we cut up our credit cards. It is neat to look back and see how much God has provided for us.

There are so many instances of us looking at our budget and deciding that there was no way we could afford certain things. Then we would pray and God would provide. When Clay took this job we were a single car family but his job took him farther away from home with less flexibility to go in late and work around appointments and such. So we were concerned about the car issue. A little after Clay decided he was going to take the job we were given a car (an 84 Subaru that sounded like a motorcycle – but it got him back and forth to work.) We were ecstatic. Three months later we were given Nissan Sentra that is much more reliable.

Another instance was God’s provision of a mattress. We knew that it would be years before we could save to buy one. When I was pregnant with Jeremiah I would wake up with a backache so bad that I was having trouble walking – so we prayed and told God that we would really like a new one, but that we were thankful that at least we had a mattress. We were then given a mattress in much better condition when Clay’s parents decided to buy them a new mattress.

There would be times were I would wonder how in the world we were going to clothe Micah for the next season. I would worry and scheme and then I would tell the Lord that I did not know how I was going to clothe her. Then I would get a package in the mail full of clothes or I would get trash bags full of clothes that one of my friend’s from high school’s daughter had outgrown.
I had decided that I wanted to use cloth diapers for the third baby. We had budgeted so that we could afford to buy them. But then we had a lot of sickness with the girls and therefore a lot of doctors’ visits and a hospital stay. As a result of all the unplanned medical expenses, we did not have the money set aside for diapers. Again we talked with God about this and told Him of our desire for this. We were given 270 dollars about 6 weeks before we had Jeremiah. I was able to use that money for the cloth diapers and accessories that we had wanted to buy.

We were also was given a crib that turned into a toddler bed along with a cute bed set for a nursery. I had always wanted to buy a cute little nursery set but never felt like I had the money. I was quite excited to finally get one.

Another instance was that our pots and pans were in desperate need of replacing. We knew our financial situation would not allow for us to purchase them for many months or years. Clay and I prayed about the need for new ones and the resources to get them. I knew Clay was going to try and find away to come up with the money to bless me with new pots and pans for Christmas. But much to our surprise – the Lord had a different plan of providing those. One day Clay came home and brought me a very nice set of pots and pans and said that someone had asked him what he wanted to get me for Christmas. Then they bought pots and pans for me.

There were times when I was concerned about our food situation. One time a friend that was moving brought us everything that was left in their freezer and fridge. Another time there was a box of food brought to us. Not to mention all the meals that were provided for us after the birth of babies and after we got out of the hospital with Gabriella.

We could go on and on about all the ways we’ve seen God provide…

There were so many times in the midst of all of this that we would pray, “God we know you can deliver us from this. We also know that there are consequences to our sin of getting ourselves in debt. But God we are tired of living in bondage to all this debt and we want to learn whatever You want us to learn through this time. If You choose to deliver us praise You. If You choose to have us pay this out for the next thirty years praise You. We want Your will.“

I was quite ecstatic a few days ago when someone came to our home a wrote us a check that covers all of credit card debt, pays off our car, and leaves some money for us to finish up some projects around the house that we’ve never had money to do – so that we can get the house ready to sale. Praise be to the Lord, the Great Deliver!!!

As Clay was driving home that afternoon God reminded him that He gave us so much more in His Son, Jesus. As a result of this monetary gift of so much, I am now realizing how unfathomable is the Gift of Christ. How incomprehensible is His Gift!

Our prayer is that God would be glorified in our lives and that we would be surrendered to Him in every area of our lives. Whatever hardships or victories may come our way we want our lives to be the fragrance of Christ.

Leaving A Legacy

That is what it is about, right? Leaving a legacy for Christ. Not a legacy of money or fame or a good name - but one for Christ. That's why as parents we are so concerned about traditions, and teaching our kids to memorize scripture, teaching them Bible Studies, and discipling and disciplining them in the Lord. We want our children, and our grandchildren, and our grandchildren's children (all the generations that may follow after us leading up to the return of Christ (if He does not return in our life time)) to be grafted into the family of God through the blood of Christ.


Here is a link to a blog that has three videos of Dr. Voddie Bauchamn preaching about this concept. These are the best I have ever heard on the subject. I will say I love these sermons but I don't know anything about him more than what I've heard on these sermons.

They are well worth your time to listen to. I listened while preparing dinner and his sermon made me laugh at how ridiculous our society is and cry as the Lord used some of the things he said to convict me.

Memorizing Scripture

In my years since having children, I have been extremely disappointed in my ability to memorize scripture. But a few months back I saw a blog about Scripture Memorization with a really neat video on a guy quoting scripture as if he was actually the one delivering the orginal sermon recorded in scripture. Read and Watch This Video - It is incredible.

I put into practice with the girls memorizing passages instead of single verses. I have really seen a difference with Micah and I being able to learn scripture. For those of you with younger children, know that Gabriella loves listening to us do this. She always gets a huge smile on her face and watches us with big shiny eyes.

Micah is also learning a lot of scripture through CBS. If you have young children and have the time to get involved in CBS - I highly suggest it. It is one of the best preschool programs that I have seen on getting kids to memorize scripture.


In the last 3-4 months Micah and I have learned these scriptures through this method. I know it does not seem like a lot - but it is a lot better than I was doing.

Ephesians 6:1-4 (Gabriella has the word "honor" down when we say this verse).

Psalm 139:14 (I know it is only one verse - but we did this because Micah seemed to be struggling with wanting to always be Gabriella and she never wanted to be herself. So we learned this verse to reinforce how special she was.)

Psalm 95:1-5 (We are trying to see how much we can get memorized before Thanksgiving. Micah and I are also trying to learn the verse before Daddy does. I am not doing as well as I would like - but Micah can just start saying parts of it - and is doing way better than I am. )

Through CBS Micah has learned many verses in the last couple of years. They put memory verses to nursery rhyme tunes. I still have to sing the song to get the scripture and verse correct, but Micah does not have to sing it - she can just say it.

Since my children can remember nursery rhymes and little songs like that with out any effort -I see it as prime time to be getting these scriptures ingrained in them. I truly see how they are little sponges soaking up anything I give them. So I want to feed them as much TRUTH as I can.

Refining Through Parenting

I have many stories to tell about the benefits of reading to our kids from God's Word and teaching them scripture. But since I have a short time, I will share what has been on my mind tonight. I can see how God is really using parenting to refine me. We have been memorizing scripture with Micah and having Gabriella listen to them as we do so. We also try and use biblical principles in discipling them. We know that it is very important for them to understand at an early age that when they disobey it is sin. So, as we have really been working on that - especially in the last year, I am beginning to see God using that to make her more aware of sin.

Here is just one example of how God is using my children to refine me. I am sitting at lunch with the girls waiting, and waiting for them to eat. We had a really good morning - but about 15 minutes before lunch time they started having trouble sharing with each other, and Micah started having trouble speaking to me with honor and obeying me. We had several discussions as each incident would arise about her being disobedient and how that was not honoring God because she was disobeying His Word. Through those incidents and then me sitting at the table with them trying to get them to eat, I am beginning to get irritated with them. Then the following conversation occurs.

Micah asks me, "Mommy are you happy?"
I ask her "Do you think Mommy is happy?"
"No."
"Why do you think Mommy is not happy?"
"Because Mommy's not happy."
"Well, Micah Mommy was having a lot of fun with you, but Mommy does not like having to tell you over and over to obey and Mommy does not like it when you disobey."
Micah says, "Mommy, you disobey too."
"Mommy does disobey God sometimes. Do you think Mommy is disobeying God now?"
"Yes."
"How is Mommy disobeying?"
"Mommy is disobeying God because she is screaming at Micah and Gabriella."

Ouch! That was convicting. In my flesh I was really wanting to scream because I was so frustrated with correcting them over and over and discipling them and correcting them....but I was not screaming. However, what Micah picked up on was that I was not speaking in tone of love - but I was speaking in a tone that conveyed my irritation. She called me out on my sin. That is humbling to have a nearly three year old point out sin to you. I asked her if Mommy needed to pray and ask Jesus for forgiveness for being mean to them and not showing them love and also ask Jesus to help me be more patient and loving. She said 'YES.' So, I started to pray and she even prayed "Father forgive Mommy for disobeying and screaming at Gabriella and Micah."

I see such a need in my life for someone to call me out on sin. And in someways, who better than those who are with me ALL the time? They see me at my best when I am letting the Spirit reign and they see me at the worst - when I am letting my flesh reign. She knows that Mommy will always love her even if she points out where Mommy is wrong. So, though some parents may see it as disrespectful for their child to call them out on their sin - I am thankful for her childlike faith and that she is beginning to see that sin is through wrong heart attitudes and not just disobeying a direct command.

WHERE IS THE CHURCH?

Sitting at lunch today, Micah asked me, ‘‘where is the church?’’ ‘‘Funny you should ask’’ I told her – ‘‘that’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. But mommy doesn’t know where the church is.’’ She points out to the street and says ‘‘there it is mommy.’’ So I tell her, ‘‘no baby, the church is not a building. The church is made of people who love Jesus. They come together, pray together, share all things, eat together, encourage one another, and love each other. That’s what the church is. It’s not a building – the church can meet anywhere.’’

So I was wondering have any of you found the church yet?

In my 18 years of being a Christian, I have yet to find “THE CHURCH." Sure, I have found buildings where there are programs and various ministries and even where people meet and eat together. But I have failed to find those who really function as the church in Acts 2. In my observation everyone is too busy playing church to be THE CHURCH. In fact, when I have walked into the churches that I have been in during that time – I have pretty much found a representation of the world. They dress like the world and are extremely cliquishly like the world. No one wants to truly share their lives. They don’t want to really share their burdens or struggles. They definitely do not want to confess their sins to others. They don’t want to be held accountable. Their dreams for themselves and kids are dreams of money, success, a good name, a good average life.

Where are the people who’s prayer for themselves and their kids looks something like this: ‘Oh, Lord, take all of me. Take all of my kids. Convict us. Changes us. Don’t let us look like the world. We beg You for Your presence. We pray for lives that are wholly abandoned unto You. God anything you want – it’s Yours. Our house, our clothes, our cars, our kids – anything just take it God. I pray that my kids will lay all of themselves at Your feet. I pray that they will follow you to the ends of the earth. Oh, God, take our lives and use them for Your glory.’

Oh, I cry out – where are the disciples of Jesus Christ? Where is Jesus’ church?

A Plea to the Ladies

I am going to share with you something that the Lord has really been convicting me about. I in no way intend to offend anyone, but pray that the Holy Spirit will convict you, as He has me, if you need to be convicted in this area.
Modesty . . . what all does that entail? God has really shown me tremendous amounts regarding this area in my life. There have been several resources that He has used to bring conviction upon me. I highly encourage you to check these resources out. In Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl has a chapter about being chaste. She is extremely blunt about this subject in talking about what a man really sees when he looks at women & how a godly man really wants his wife to be. I think this is a must read - I wish I had this book when I was a preteen/teenager. Then I listened to Nancy Leigh DeMoss and her study on modesty. It was a great series that talked about modesty in clothing (something I have heard a lot more about growing up) & modesty in behavior. There was even one section that was a plea to the fathers on how to train their daughters on what to where and not to wear. There was also a plea to the wives to go to the husbands & say, "Dear, you know what draws a man's eyes. Help me to go through my wardrobe & glean out anything that I may wear that will cause a man's eye to linger on my body in any area that may cause him to sin."

So, here is a little of where I am coming from with great honesty. I have always tried to be modest in that I have tried not to wear clothing that is too short or too low. But as I started listening and reading about this topic that I have become more aware that I have allowed some of the fads & some of my desires of wanting to look attractive to pull me over to the side where at times I am not dressed modestly. And that is sin.

So, in Debi Pearls book she has a few letters that she & her husband have actually received from men - that if you were to read would break your heart. In one letter a guy talks about how he had to quit hanging around one of his close friends because the way his friends' wife dresses keeps him aroused the whole time he is around the couple. The husband is embarrassed
by his wife & feels dishonored by her. He says he is looking for a women who he can call to be his own little hidden treasure. So the question to you(if you are married) & me is, "Are we being our husbands own little hidden treasure - that no one else can get glimpses of?" And if you are not married, ask yourself "Am I hidding myself away so that I will be a hidden treasure for my husband one day?"

She quotes Matt 5:28 " Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Then she writes: "It is impossible for a woman to understand a man's visual drive. . . A woman's body, moving within visual range of a man, unless it is modestly covered in a way that says to the man that you have no interest in him taking pleasure in your appearance, can be stimulating to him as disrobing completely. He may be a better man than the woman....and may have the fortitude to deny his eyes . . .but it makes you a source of temptation to sin, rather than someone to whom he can relate. . . .Jesus said that a lusting man commits adultery WITH a woman, not against her, meaning that the woman is included in the lusting adultery. Women have told me that they are "not convicted" about the way they dress, as if God has to chase them down and torment them about it before they will obey his Word."

Ouch . . . God really used her words to bring conviction on me. I had always heard it was the man's sin for lusting. He was committing adultery - but not really the case. If I wear something that is too tight, short, low, etc... that causes a man to lust - I am just as guilty as he.

That made me go to Clay and say, "I know you like me to wear certain shirts that I have - but they really need to stay at home. I need you to look at what I am wearing & tell me from a man's perspective if there is anything about the clothes I am wearing to cause a man's eye to be drawn towards me."

I encourage you ladies to do the same with your husbands. Let's start really trying to protect the men.

Also, if you see me wearing something that is questionable be sister in the Lord and tell me what your concern is with what I am wearing.

I really felt prompted to share this with you because of an article I just read. I encourage you and your husbands to read it. Modest Daughters

Biblical Womanhood

It seems as if the Lord is really trying to teach me more about this in my life. I encourage all of you ladies to listen to a study by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I have truly been challenged by her series on being a biblical woman. Enjoy and let me know what you think & how the Lord is challenging you!
Biblical Womanhood Series

Humility

God has really been teaching me a lot lately. There will probably be many small posts explaining the many lessons that He has been teaching me. A lot of this started a few months ago when we were looking at Paul and his humility as we studied Acts during CBS (Community Bible Study). In Acts 20:19 Paul is saying farewell to the elders of the church in Ephesus. He is talking about how he served in Asia, and he says, "serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews." One of our questions in the Bible Study was to explain what Paul meant when he stated that he served the Lord with "great humility." So, I decided to look up the word humility. Humility = the quality or state of being humble. Humble = to destroy the power, independence, or prestige of self.

When I read the definition of that, it really hit me how I was so far from being humble. In fact, I realized that I was very selfish. I realized that I had been complaining, having self pity parties, and in my soul longing for "freedom." Freedom to go to the store and get everything on my shopping list before it was time for someone's nap or bed time. Freedom to go to the bathroom without someone either in the bathroom with me or pounding on the door screaming, "MaMa or Mommie." I wanted to have freedom to go to the store and buy something with out having to worry about whether it was in the budget or whether it was a wise purchase." I even wanted freedom to be involved in more church ministry - but felt negatively towards my kids because they prevented me from doing more ministry. My list could go on and on and on. But what I began to realize is that I was being extremely selfish. I kept saying that I should have the right to have time by myself and even a right to spend money on something that I just wanted to. The Lord started showing me what I was missing was the freedom I had during college, when I had more independence - before a husband and before kids. So, I needed to allow God to destroy the independence of self (or in my case the longing for that). God reconfirmed to me that my husband and children are a blessing from Him. They have been put in my life to help mold me into a more humble person - to help aide in the process of me becoming more like Christ.

Pray for me as I allow God to move me more and more towards humility.